


Understanding

by spaced_out_ace



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Logan is confused, M/M, also there's kind of implied prinxiety if you squint, patton is adorable, this is the first fanfic i've written since i was 13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 13:54:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11602008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaced_out_ace/pseuds/spaced_out_ace
Summary: There were many things that Logan understood. But there were also plenty of things which confounded him. And his newly acquired feelings for Patton is one of them.





	Understanding

There were many things that Logan understood. 

His entire existence was focused on understanding things. He was quite proficient in mathematics, and taught physics with great expertise. There was a wealth of information stored in his mind, and planning and evaluation was second nature to him. 

But there were also plenty of things which confounded him. 

As of the past month, one such thing was the strange rush of affection Logan experienced every time Patton so much as smiled in his vicinity. At first he shook it off as an anomaly. But the more time he spent around Patton the more he noticed that he had a serious problem.

Logan wasn't oblivious. He knew the connotations of this recent development, but that didn't make confronting the issue any easier. It was his job to make sense of all the data provided, to sort, sequence and come to conclusions, only the conclusion he came to didn't make sense. Why, when Logan was trying to concentrate at his desk, the uninvited thoughts of Patton giggling at his own unbearable jokes? Or the inexplicable feeling of not being able to breathe quite right when the moral side sat so close to him yesterday afternoon? Well, the answer, unfortunately, was feelings. 

Contrary to what others may think he was not emotionless (he could get quite heated in a debate, which Anxiety would vouch for). But feelings were not his forte. And certainly not the romantic type. Because he was Logic not Roman, who was proficient with courtships, clichés and everything in between (supposedly). So here he was now, trying unsuccessfully to figure out why he had formed the most inconvenient crush on his friend and fellow side.

Sighing, Logan stretched his arms above his head and leaned back precariously in the swivel chair he sat in. He yawned before glancing at the time on his laptop, noting that another hour had passed as he was grading math assignments. Ideally he would have been done and dusted and deep into sleep by now, but his musings interrupted the task so that it was now 1.56 am and five papers were still left unmarked. 

After misreading the same quadratic equation three times, he resigned himself to go to bed and finish up during lunch the next day. Climbing into bed was easy enough. So was closing his eyes. However, now these unbidden emotions resurfaced stronger than ever. 

It was ridiculous. Patton would not escape his mind. Every thought revolved around him. Like when he made that conspiratorial smile after making a terrible Dad Joke. And the fact Logan seemed to find them increasingly not-terrible but rather endearing. Also, Logan had attached the words 'unbelievably adorable' to the sight of Patton in his cat pajamas the other day. That had stumped him.

Why Patton? Why Morality, his complete opposite? Although complete opposite didn’t quite seem to ring true. The idea of heart and mind operating in perfect harmony was implausible, but undoubtedly they had proved compatible, complementary even. And when they did compromise and agree it was...satisfying. More than that; it felt good.  
Logan puffed out a breath of air, staring into the darkness of his room in vain. Only when 3 am ticked around did he finally fall asleep.

 

~.~

 

The next morning Logan ventured into the common area in his pajamas, extremely tired after an inadequate 3 and a half hours rest and with just about enough energy to yawn. He decided that dosing up on coffee was the best course of action if he were to face a whole day ahead of teaching. As he clumsily made breakfast he barely registered the sound of somebody padding across the kitchen floor behind him. Then that somebody greeted him far too cheerfully for this hour of day.

"Morning, Lo!"

Logan jumped. He would be lying if he said he didn't almost decorate the counter with half a box of cereal.

"Oh. Patton. G-good morning." He put the stuttering down to tiredness. 

"Could you leave the cereal out please? I might make toast too, you want some?"

Patton opened the fridge and glanced up and down the shelves.

"I think this Nutella is Virgil's but I doubt he'll mind if I have some."

Yes, far too cheerful. 

"Um. No. I mean, sure," was his articulate reply. "Why are you up so early, Patton? Also- how are you so awake?"

Patton looked back at him with a bright smile and Logan felt like his stomach did a mini skydive. A tad dramatic for a smile, but beyond his control it seemed.

"I went to bed early! All part of Thomas' 'making changes' thing. Early to bed earns a well-rested head.”

"Hm, well that makes one of us." Logan muttered, stifling another yawn. 

"Oh, did my Lo not get much sleep last night? You do look a little tired." Patton sounded genuinely concerned. Logan tried to ignore his heart skipping a little at the word 'my'. 

"I just," he yawned again, "had a lot of papers to do, that's all. It was hot in my room, also. Difficult to fall asleep." At least it was partly true, but he was in no way convincing. 

Patton tilted his head with a small frown but nonetheless didn't challenge him as he deposited the breakfast ingredients on the counter. 

"Well if you're sure. If anything was troubling you though, you would talk to me? I'll always listen." He placed a hand on Logan's shoulder, which was likely supposed to be reassuring, but now Logan was positive he was blushing because his face felt hot. Really, how old was he? 

"Thank you, Morality. Though everything is fine." He attempted an affirmative smile. Grabbing his bowl of cereal and coffee, Logan turned away to sit at the table. If he could get through breakfast, then he could get through the rest of the day, and then hopefully the next day and the next and the next...

Except he wasn't entirely sure he could ignore this crush. He couldn't ignore the warmth in Patton's eyes when he looked at him, or the way the morning sun added a soft glow to his sleep ruffled hair making him look simultaneously stunning and adorable. But at the same time he wasn’t prepared to take action. Normally he would solve a problem directly and efficiently, making an unambiguous plan to do so. But the thought of confronting Patton seemed absurd. It made him feel...anxious. He had no plan and no way of knowing what would happen if he did.

"Logan? Did you hear me?"

Logan blinked.

"Oh, pardon?"

"I asked if you wanted some toast?"

"Um, no thank you."

Later he would blame the racing of his heart on the coffee. 

 

~.~

 

If his students thought Logan was strangely weary and distant that day, they didn't comment on it. He had fought to keep his eyes open towards the end of last period. He didn't even bother to stick to the lesson plan, instead opting to assign the class group work to minimise the amount of actual teaching he had to do. Needless to say, once back home he gave a relieved sigh and promptly collapsed onto the sofa. 

He probably had his eyes shut for 30 seconds before a thud and a triumphant "Hah!" sounded across the room. 

"Princey, I swear to God I will not hesitate to punch you in the face if you don't give them back right now." 

"You forget with whom you are dealing with, Virgil. I am an esteemed warrior unperturbed by such ungraceful remarks!" Roman was grinning theatrically in the doorway, holding what were clearly Anxiety's headphones out of the reach of the other. 

"Oh, so it's no big deal if I actually--oh, hi, Logan." 

Logan decided that sleep was once again going to elude him and pushed up off the couch, stretching. 

"Is there a particular reason you two are behaving like schoolchildren this afternoon?"

Roman answered "I was just trying to--hey! No! Oh come on!" 

"Ha, 'esteemed warrior' my ass. Rule number one Princey: never let your guard down." Anxiety said smugly, brandishing his reclaimed headphones. The fanciful side pouted then turned his attention towards Logan again.

"In short, Virgil refuses to watch Fox and the Hound but it's my turn to choose so I stole his property and yes I now realise that sounds quite childish."

Logan didn't comment and only vaguely reflected on the fact these two watched movies together, because at the moment it was difficult not to sway on the spot. 

"Hey, are you alright?" Roman said.

"Yeah, you don't look so great." Virgil added curiously. 

"I think I just need some rest. If you'll excuse me." He started for the door but Roman caught his arm.

"Is something wrong?" he exchanged a brief worried glance with Virgil.

"No. Thank you. I'm simply tired." Logan replied curtly. He firmly but not unkindly pulled away, and headed to his room. This time he had no trouble slipping into a deep sleep. 

 

~.~

 

It was Patton who woke him up later on; the parental side had gently shaken him into consciousness. Logan, in his drowsy state, was also aware of the other languidly running his fingers through his hair. It would have been odd if it weren't the fact that Patton was simply affectionate. It felt pleasant. It also made him want to shout in frustration at his own inability to stay calm. Or take a 'chill pill' so to speak. Logan was slightly embarrassed, now aware that Patton perched on the edge of his bed and that he himself had been drooling a bit in his sleep. 

"Pat?" he murmured.

"Sorry to wake you Lo but I thought you might need something to eat. I brought pizza." Grinning, he held out a plate. Logan sat up, noting that his glasses had fallen onto the pillow. He put them on, conscious of Patton watching him.

"Thanks." His stomach growled then, and Patton giggled. Logan decided to focus his attention on the food. Patton stood up and took a seat in the chair opposite.

"Wanna hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it's too cheesy." He had an almost sheepish grin.

"First you wake me up and then almost immediately hit me with the awful jokes? And that was bad, even for you Patton." However, there was no malice in his tone and a smile played about his lips. 

"Ok, I've done better I'll admit." Now Patton was smiling unrestrained and Logic lost all semblance of coherent thought. Patton wasn't supposed to make him feel this way. Like he was simultaneously gazing at the full moon and standing in the centre of the Sun. It was still nonsensical and yet still here he was. Having feelings. 

Patton filled the silence with an endless stream of talk about his day and for once Logan was content to just listen. Only after finishing the pizza did he briefly wonder why the other was still in his room. 

"Better?"

"Much."

A beat. "Would you like to watch a movie?" Patton asked. He seemed hesitant. "Or I'd understand if you want to go back to sleep," he added quickly.

"Yes. I do. Movie, that is. I want to watch." Logan privately berated himself at that.

"Great! I'll be right back."

They ended up both sat up against the headboard with a laptop across them watching a light-hearted adventure film Logan did not recall the name of. Patton was inevitably pressed close to his side. Logan couldn't help the speeding up of his heart or the butterflies in his stomach. 

 

~.~

 

"You need to tell him Logan."

"Excuse me?"  
"Look, I'm all for avoiding things and not confronting problems, and I would hate you to think that I, y'know, care. But," Virgil looked at him soberly, "It is actually painful to watch you try and interact with him."

Logan shifted in his chair. Virgil had invited himself into his room and casually leaned against his desk. 

"I don't know what you're referring to, Virgil," he said, glancing down at the book he was reading. His friend rolled his eyes and snatched the book from Logan's grasp. He weakly protested at the rough treatment.

"As soon as Patton steps into the room you start acting like some lovesick teenager. Yeah, I've noticed. Roman's noticed and the only thing Roman pays attention to is himself." 

Virgil sighed then softened his tone. "I just don't think it's a good idea to bottle it up or whatever." 

Logan frowned slightly. There was a moment of silence. Finally he looked back up at Virgil.

"Is that speaking from experience?" 

Virgil didn't acknowledge that, instead saying, "Will you consider it at least? Telling him?"

"For someone who doesn't care you seem to care a lot about this." He gave a small smile.

Virgil appeared to struggle with the information before he resolved himself and sighed. "Alright, fine, yes. Maybe I do. Just a little." Then he smirked. "But I'm still pestering you for my own selfish reasons- your infatuation is downright annoying and I want you to do something about it."

Logan felt a wave of exasperation come over him.

"One, I am slightly offended. Two, I have no idea what I am doing, Virgil. This wasn't supposed to...I can't..."

Virgil must have sensed the desperation in his voice because his expression turned sympathetic. 

"I would give you some advice on what to say but chances are it would be terrible advice." 

Logan quietly laughed.

"You'll be fine. Probably. It could go horribly wrong, actually." That earned him a raised eyebrow. "Sorry, I'm just kidding. Optimism is hard."

Logan put his head in his hands. Could he actually face telling Patton? For all his abilities in communication he wouldn’t know where to begin. Besides, he couldn't even tell if the feelings were reciprocated. It was nearly a week since they watched that movie together and despite the copious amount of time he had spent thinking about it he was no closer to a conclusion. The other man was just a perpetual outburst of emotions. An excitable, affectionate jumble which made any indications of reciprocity extremely confusing.  
Most of all though, Logan was scared. He had to admit it. He was scared of rejection. He didn't want to look into Patton's eyes and see the confusion and then the distaste because he knew that that would hurt. It hurt just to play out the scenario in his head. 

But Virgil was right. It couldn't go on. Eventually he said, "I'll talk to him then. At some point, at least."

"I realise this sounds weird coming from me, but don't worry so much." Virgil gifted him with a real smile this time and stood up to leave. As he was halfway out the door, Logan spoke up.

"Virgil?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you." 

The door clicked shut softly, and Logan drew in a deep breath.

 

~.~

 

On Friday evening he invited Patton to watch a movie with him, a simple enough task except he stammered out the words awkwardly, and almost definitely blushed (again). 

"Of course!" Patton had replied enthusiastically. "How about Big Hero 6, that's your favourite, right?"

Logan had then resolutely ignored the teasing look Virgil gave him. 

They found themselves in the same arrangement as last time, except now they were in pajamas as, to quote Patton, it was 'cosier'. Although Logan quite agreed that it was much more comfortable he also felt there was something more...intimate about it. Needless to say he was a little distracted throughout the movie, finding it difficult to focus on the screen as his gaze kept flitting to the face beside his. He hoped Patton didn't notice. He seemed fairly engrossed in the movie at any rate. Around halfway through, Patton fidgeted and dropped his head onto Logan's shoulder. Logan was surprised for a moment but he eventually relaxed into the arrangement. Patton's hair was soft against his cheek. Logan thought his pounding heart might be audible.

When the credits rolled, they shifted and made a move to sit up straighter. Patton lifted his head; Logan was marginally disappointed. 

There was a momentary pause. Then Patton spoke.

"Hey, um. I was wondering," his voice took on a rare tone of seriousness and Logan anticipated his next words, "Are you sure you're ok, Logan? It's just...well. You've been acting differently the past couple weeks and I'm not sure...." He trailed off. "You know you can tell me if something's the matter, right? It's my job to make sure things are ok in the emotions department after all. Or as ok as possible," he said with a playful smile.

Logan stared blankly. Was the moment now? He knew he was beyond feigning an excuse. There was no logical answer to this. He had no clue what to say, what to do. The moment seemed to stretch out unbearably long. 

"I...Patton--"

It was then that for the first time his heart acted before his head because something in the way Patton was looking at him with unaffected fondness stirred up a whirlpool of emotions in him and caused him to act entirely on impulse. Logan surged forward and kissed him; it was uncoordinated in every way but it was also wonderful and even more so when he kissed back. He was unaware of anything but gentle slide of or their mouths and the feeling of Patton slipping his fingers through his hair. They fell into an easy rhythm, the small shivers running through Logan's body unlike anything he had ever experienced before. It was incredible. He couldn’t quite believe it was happening.  
Finally, Patton moved his hand to Logan's face and brushed his cheek with his thumb before hesitantly pulling away. For a while the only sounds were their shallow breaths and the quiet thrum of the laptop fan.

"Oh." 

"Oh."

"I didn't think you would actually..." Patton began.

"You knew?" Logan was slightly incredulous.

"Not exactly. I mean, I thought maybe…" he suppressed a grin by biting his lower lip. "I hoped." He looked away, uncharacteristically shy. 

Logan thought he was adorable, and allowed that thought as opposed to subduing it. Then he said, "I thought maybe my feelings would sort themselves out if I ignored them long enough. That proved impossible, obviously. I still don't really understand how or why but…I'm starting to not mind that." He smiled. They sat in companionable silence for a brief period as he wound his fingers with Patton's. 

"How long, exactly...?"

"Long enough." Patton replied with a quick grin. Logan didn't press for further details.

Later they ended up warm and content in an embrace as they drifted into sleep, the top of Patton’s head under Logan’s chin and his arms wound around his middle. Logan still had a lot to come to terms with. And they almost definitely needed to have a proper conversation about this. For now though, all thoughts were pushed aside as he relished the moment.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! This is the first fic I've written in 5 years lol but I had fun writing it. Thanks for reading :)  
> my tumblr is latin-logic


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